Return of the Jedi , A Parody
by Super Tinfoil Man Part 2
Summary: A parody of Return of the Jedi. What happens when Indiana Jones enters a time machine and replaces Buster Douglas in his fight with Mike Tyson? I have no idea, it's not in this story. Chapter 13- The final chap. is here.
1. The 1st Chapter special edition

**Return of the Jedi - A Parody - **

**Author : _SuperTinfoilManPart 2 - _**The Revenge -

**Author's Note : **May contain crude language . And the worlds worst lounge singer.

**Disclaimer : I don't own Star Wars . **

**Chapter 1 - The 1st Chapter - **

**Star Wars - Episode 6 - **

**Return of the Jedi - A Parody - **

**Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tattooine even after vowing never to return to his home planet in Episode 4 , but that's another story entirely , what a liar , how can he do this to us , lie right to our faces , where was I , oh ya , he went there to rescue his friend Han Solo from the vile clutches of that fat ass Jabba the Hutt . **

**Little does Luke know the GALACTIC EMPIRE , sorry for screaming , has secretly begun construction on a new Death Star even more powerful than the first Death Star , they work fast . **

**When completed , this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for a small band of rebels struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy...**

**Is that it ? **

**Scroll ended already ...**

A shuttle drops out of a Star Destroyer flanked by two Tie fighters , it heads towards the Brand Spanking new Death Star .

" Command station , this is ST321 , code clearance Powder Orange . " The shuttle pilot said over the Com , the commander in the Death Star soon responds.

" Deflector shield will be deactivated when we have confirmation of your code transmission . Please stand by . " An operator said looking at a screen of the shuttle.

" You are clear to proceed . "

" YESS ! WE DID IT ! " The command crew screamed over the intercom , they were overjoyed to get through the code.

" We are starting our approach. "

" You may approach . "

" Approaching now. "

" Must you always get the last word Dan ? "

The Shuttle zoomed closer to the landing bay while the Tie fighter's split off and flew back to the Star Destroyer , this is there story.

Chapter 1 - STX 3560 and his pet dog -

" So I bought my wife a new dog DSG 435 . " A storm trooper said over the intercom to his flying mate on the way back to the Star Destroyer.

" Really ? Well that's just great news STX 3560 . "

The End -

The shuttle landed inside the bay as a commander walked up and waited for the arrival of Darth Vader.

This is that commanders story .

Chapter 1 - Waiting for Vader -

_Man , I hope he doesn't yell at me , _The commander thought to himself.

The End -

The shuttle bay exit ramp slowly lowered to the ground with steam shooting in six or seven different directions. The commander gulped , then he gulped again .

Darth Vader walked down the ramp and right by the commander not giving him a second look , or a third one for that matter.

" Lord Vader , this is an unexpected pleasure , we are honoured by your presence. " The commander nervously greeted the Sith lord as he jogged behind him .

" You may dispense with the pleasantries commander . I am here to put you back on schedule . " Vader boomed .

" I assure you Lord Vader , my men are working as fast as they can . " The commander tried but Vader spied a group of workers playing ping pong in the distance .

" Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate t...WHOA ! " Vader slipped on an over waxed part of the floor and quickly fell on his ass with a thump !

The commander tried his best not to laugh , he bit his lower lip as he replayed the slipping Vader over in his head , Vader's cape was now draped right over his head after the fall.

" Argg ! " Vader argged.

" L-L-Lord Vader , are you (giggle) alright ? HA HA ! " The commander found it impossible to hold his laughter in.

Vader quickly found his way to his feet.

" Lord Vader , we have men working double shifts , sometimes they wax the same part of the floor and... "

" Listen to me commander ! The Emperor is coming here , and you'd better have this giant ball of steel complete when he arrives . He's not as forgiving as I am , and I'm not forgiving at all so that means he's not forgiving minus 1 . Get the picture ? "

" We shall double our efforts . " The commander lifted his chin in a mock stern-like manner.

" Double ? "

" Sorry Lord Vader , we shall triple our efforts . "

" I was hoping for at least quadruple . "

" Yes , we shall fiveruple our efforts . "

" Fiveruple ? "

Before the conversation could go any further , Vader waved his hand and walked away.

The commander walked away as well nodding to his men as a row of Storm Troopers stood there , standingly.

Meanwhile ...On Tattooine...Midday ...12:30 pm Eastern time . ...

C-3PO and R2-D2 made there way towards Jabba's Palace in the distance .

" Bleep bloop , blat blert twart ! " R2-D2 stated.

" Yes . I agree . But Chewbacca and Lando never returned from this awful place . "

" Blert twarp ? "

" What do you mean , Lando who ? Lando Calrissian you metal twerp ! "

" Blooo . Bloo bleep blap twerk ! "

" Now your just going too far R2-D2 . Keep those dirty thoughts to yourself . If I told you half of what I heard of this Jabba the Hutt , you'd probably kill yourself . "

They approach a huge metal door .

" Bleep bleep bleep ! "

" I had better knock I suppose . " C-3PO lightly tapped the door then spun around.

" There doesn't seem to be anyone here , let's go back and tell Master Luke . "

A hole opens on the large door and a robotic device comes out with a crystal ball like head that is speaking jibberish.

" My name is ... " Before C-3PO could finish the device laughed and zipped back into it's spot inside the door.

" There not going to let us in R2. Let's go back and tell master Luke . " C-3PO tried to cowardly run off again but the large door slowly started to open behind him.

" Bleep , wooo , wooo . " R2-D2 started to roll his way inside the dark entrance to the palace.

" Wait for me R2 ! We should go back and tell master Luke that the door opened ! "

R2-D2 bumped into one of the green pig faced guards holding an axe , the green faced pig seemed to have a snotty nose , with no tissues in sight . R2 wasn't holding the axe , the guard was , or whatever , you know what I mean.

" R2 - deliver the damn message so we can get the hell out of here. " C-3PO looked at the closing door as it slammed back into the ground with a thump !

" Oh wanna wanna wunga . " A pale skinned man appeared with a large worm attached to the back of his head that wrapped around the side of his shoulder - translation : I forgot his name.

" Oh wanna wingo . "

" Wanna wuh . "

" Wanna bu banna bo banna . "

" Wo wanna bo banna boo banna wingo . "

" Wanna wo bonna banga woo winga bo banna baroo bingo wanganna banganga. "

" Oh for the love of god can we just speak english to each other ! "

" Yes , what do you want ? " The worm head asked 3PO .

" This R2 unit here has a message for Jabba . "

" Mo meessa no matta . "

" Oh not that crap again , I give up translating for the time being . "

" Give the message to me , I'll tell Jabba . " Worm head offered .

" No , we have to tell Jabba himself . " 3PO stood his ground .

" Ya , I mean , bleep bloop blat ! " R2 responded .

" Arg ! Follow me then ! "

They entered into Jabba's main living quarters where Jabba was smoking .

" Good morning . " 3PO greeted Jabba as worm head whispered into Jabba's ear. Jabba was already awake smoking a pipe , the contents of the pipe remained a mystery .

" Boshuda ! " Jabba said - translation : Boshuda.

" The message R2 , play the message . "

R2-D2 bleeped and blipped then shot out a holographic image of Luke Skywalker dressed in a black suit.

" Greetings your fat-assidness. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Luke Skywalker , Jedi knight and friend of Captain Solo . "

" OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! " Jabba screamed wide eyed.

" I know that you are powerful Jabba and that your anger with Captain Solo must be as powerful as your original powers that urg ...wait a second , Leia hold up that card straight ! I can't see half of the cue card ! " Luke whined .

" OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! " Jabba responded .

" I seek an audience with your greatness to bargain for Solo's life ... "

" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA what am I laughing at again ? Oh ya , HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ! " Jabba laughed.

" As a token of my good will I offer you a gift . These two droids. Both are HARD working and will SERVE you well . " Luke smiled and made a humping motion with his hips.

" This can't be right , R2 your playing the wrong message . " CPO glanced at Jabba who was furiously licking his lips.

" There will be no bargain . " Jabba said as the holo message ended .

" I will not give up my favorite decoration , I like Captain Solo where he is . "

Everyone looked over to the left , Han Solo was up on the wall frozen in carbonite from his last adventure . He seemed to be waving with both hands , or singing a gospel tune before he was frozen.

" Look R2 , it's Han Solo , and he's still frozen in carbonite . That's right , carbonite , from our last fight , with all his might he put up and took the bite , he will lose his sight . "

" From that height he might get a fright . He looks tight in that light . " Lando added .

A lounge singer jumped out from behind Jabba the Hutt for the end of the chapter song - he swaggered his way over to C-3PO and R2 with a microphone in his hand.

" Han Solo , more than meets the eye . Sometime's I cry when Han and the Rebels flee from the force's of the Empire , who set the Galaxy on _fire , _Han Solo . Thank you , Han Solo , Thank you , please hold your applause , Haaaaaaan Soooooloooooo , he met his match when he opened the hatch and fell in the batch , thank you , please hold your applause , Han Solo , more than meets the eye , why why whyyyyyyyyy , thank you , thank you . Can I get a low C note from the band please , yes you . A low C please . Thank you , no , that's a high A , I said a low C , no , nevermind , Haaaaaaan Sooooooolooooo , the smuggler with the wookiee , watch out for that treeee , watch out for that , Han , Han , Han of the Jungle , watch out for that treeeeee !

Thank you , thank you , hold your applause . Can I get a low A at least please ? A low A note from the band , wake up ! Nevermind . Haaaaaaan Soooooloooooo , uggh ! Who threw that apple ? Hey this is a thermal detonator ! What the ... ? "

**The lounge singer was never seen again . **

**But , on a positive note ...**

**The lounge singer was never seen again. **


	2. Jabba's Ho's

**Return of the Jedi - A Parody - **

**Disclaimer - I don't own Star Wars . **

**Chapter 2 - Jabba's HO's - **

**C**-3PO and R2-D2 were led down a long hall by a green Pig Guard towards the droid torture room .

" Ah , new acquisitions , you are a protocol droid are you not ? " The dark droid asked as other droids were tortured in the background.

" I am C-3PO hu... "

" Yes or no will do . " The droid interrupted.

" Well , yes. "

" How many languages do you speak ? " The droid that sounded like a demonic version of an automated voice message asked.

" I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication and can readi... "

" Splendid , " He was interrupted again , " We have been without an interpreter since our master became upset at the last protocol droid. "

A white protocol droid stood in the background .

" Hello , I am C-4PO , human ... " C-4PO was quickly torn apart by mechanical arms as it screamed in pain , droids do feel pain after all .

" Take him up to his master chambers and fix him with a restraining bolt . " The dark droid waved his awkward arm at a green pig guard.

R2-D2 was busy serving drinks to half dead droids .

" Hmm , we might have use for you in our masters barge . I think you'll fit in nicely . "

**Meanwhile ...In Jabba's chambers ...main room...2 or 3 floors up ...**

Sly Snoodles was just finishing her music number , Jabba was pulling on his rope for his green slave girl to come closer , she wouldn't comply so he hit the - fall down the pit - button.

" Bitch . " Jabba muttered as he heard a loud Rancor scream followed by her scream , then the Rancor scream , then her scream again , then the Rancor screamed one last time.

" Master Jabba , is it really necessary to drop all your slave girls down there ? I mean , how many slave girls have you gone through this week , she was pretty good looking , that's a rare thing on Tattooine. " The Worm assistant leaned close to Jabba , Jabba gave it some serious thought but the slave girl screamed again , followed by the Rancor.

" Will you just EAT her already ? " Jabba thumped his tail in anger.

A blast sound could be heard followed by a bounty hunter falling to the ground , he half rolled down the stairs . He flashed twice then vanished , 5 strength points were gained.

Another short bounty hunter walked down the stairs with Chewbacca in tow , he was chained by the neck , impossible to escape . The bounty hunter had long brown hair flowing out of the back of it's helmet.

" I have come for the bounty on Chewbacca , ooops , I mean this Wookiee. " The short bounty hunter said , Chewbacca struggled but the short bounty hunter seemed massively powerful.

" Oh no ! Chewbacca ! I mean , some Wookiee was captured , I love Wookiees ! " C-3PO waved his arms around dramatically.

" At last we have the mighty Chewbacca ! " Jabba was pleased .

" Hey golden ass , bring your sexy thang over here . " Jabba ordered .

" I am here your not-badedness . " 3PO shuffled his way around Jabba's huge frame to stand next to him.

" Tell them I will offer 25000 for the reward . " Jabba said to 3PO but looked straight at the bounty hunter.

" His excellency offers 25 for the reward . " 3PO translated poorly to them.

" 25 ? I want 50 , no less . " The bounty hunter responded.

" 50 , no less . " 3PO turned to Jabba , but was nailed by a forearm , the golden droid fell out of sight .

" 50 ? Do you not understand Huttenese ? I offered 25000 , tell them I will pay 25000 for Chewbacca and not 50 ! Ask them why do I have to pay 50 when I'm offering 25000 ! " Jabba was steamed .

3PO staggered out from behind Jabba with green snot dripping off of him .

" Jabba wants to know why he has to pay 50 ? Because he's holding a thermal detonator !"

C-3PO panicked before the bounty hunter even revealed his detonator , the hunter scrambled around in his pocket until he found it .

" HO HO HO HO HO HO , HA HA HA HA HA HA , HO HO HO HO HO ... "

The bounty hunter and everyone in the room gave the -hurry up - sign to Jabba as the detonator continued to tick away .

" HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO... "

" Today would be nice . " The bounty hunter said as the ticking got faster.

" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH AH AH AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AHA ...COUGH ! I like this Bounty hunter , my kind of scum . Fearless and in... "

3PO quickly cut in on Jabba's behalf .

" The great Jabba offers 35 ! " He yelled as green snot dripped off of his fingers.

" I'll take it ! JEEZ , what a moron ! " The hunter turned off the detonator.

" He agrees ! " 3PO was elated.

Boba Fett gave the fearless and inventive bounty hunter a nod , the fearless and inventive bounty hunter gave Boba the finger in response .

" HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO ... "

" There , he's at it again . Somebody take that pipe off of him . " 3PO gave the order and Chewbacca was hauled away with dirty looks spread towards 3PO.

" Make sure you play high pitch alarms in his chambers , he hates that. " 3PO continued.

A nearby guard looked on , he hauled his face mask down a little to reveal Lando Calrissian , the face mask abruptly broke off in his hand , he looked at it for a moment then tossed it aside.

The night falls ...

The fearless and inventive bounty hunter snuck his way through Jabba's chambers as everyone was asleep.

" Snore ! " They snored in unison.

The bounty hunter made his way to Han Solo who was hanging on the wall , still frozen in carbonite .

He opened a small panel next to Han Solo's frozen body . A small beeping noise could be heard as the small display came to life.

" PLEASE ENTER YOUR FIVE DIGIT CODE NOW ! " The loud female computer voice asked from the display.

The hunter quickly looked around to see if anyone heard that , more snoring . That was a close one dammit !

The hunter quickly entered the five digit code .

" CARBONITE INDUSTRIES NOW OFFERS A 29 PERCENT SAVINGS VOUCHER ON ALL SMUGGLER FREEZE CHAMBERS ! WOULD YOU LIKE TO ... "

The Bounty Hunter smashed the display cutting off the loud automated female voice .

A small cutting noise could be heard , Han Solo started to burn his way out of the cabonite and it was eaten away thanks to the five digit code . Han fell flat on his face with a loud thud !

" Crap . " The hunter said , " Didn't think it would be that quick , sorry , I wasn't ready."

" Relax , for a moment , " The hunter lifted Han to a sitting position , " You are free of the carbonite , you have hibernation sickness ( sniff ) you ( sniff ) oh my god , (sniff ) you stink to high hell . "

" I can't see . " Han said , blindingly .

" Your eyesight will return in time . " The hunter said.

" Where am I ? " Han asked looking around , he couldn't see anything , he was still blind , but it would return in time.

" Your in Jabba's Pub and Resort . " The hunter responded , Han felt the crude mask of the bounty hunters then quickly recoiled his hand.

" Who are you ? "

The Bounty Hunter took his mask off revealing Princess Leia ! ( shock and surprise ! )

" Someone who loves you . " She said whipping her long brown hair everywhere .

" LUKE ! " Han screamed and grabbed Leia's face to kiss her .

" Luke ? You moron , it's me , Leia , you know , the woman who said - I love you - in Empire Strikes Back ? "

" Oh ya , the girl , I knew it was you , I was just... "

" I have to get you out of here. " The bounty hunter a.k.a Princess Leia picked up the sweat soaked Han to his feet.

" HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO ! "

" What's so funny Leia ? " Han asked .

" That wasn't me . " She responded .

" HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO ! "

" Well , who is it then , Santa Clause ? Leia , stop (BLEEP) in around ! " Han thought she had lost her mind.

" Maybe if we ignore it , it will just go away . " Leia tried to continue on with Han.

" HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO ! "

" It certainly sounds a lot like you laughing Leia . " Han accused .

" YOU NERF HERDER , IT'S NOT ME , NOW COME ON ! " She screamed .

" HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO ! "

" OH , HO HO YOURSELF JABBA ! " Leia screamed at the closed curtain .

" Jabba ? Did you say Jabba ? Wait , I know that laugh now ! " Han raised his finger in the air and he waved it like he just didn't care.

" Ya , remember when I mentioned we were in his pad you smelly ass clown ! " Leia was really mad but all the screaming seemed to wake up Jabba , who was laughing in his sleep.

**What will happen next ? Will Luke Skywalker show up and kick ass ! Find out next time !**


	3. Luke vs the Rancor

**The Return of the Jedi - A Parody - **

**Author's note - May contain sexuality and mature themes , or it may not , who knows ? **

**Chapter 3 - Luke vs the Rancor - **

" Yeaargg ! Yeaargg ! " Chewbacca screamed at the loud siren inside the holding cell . Poor Chewie . But enough about Chewbacca ...

A cloaked figure made his way down the entrance towards the green pig guards .

" Hello there kind friend , my name is Jim ... " before the green pig guard could continue Luke force choked him and his buddy to the opposite wall .

Bib Fortuna the worm head appeared from the doorway to Jabba's chambers .

" No , no you cannot be here ! " He pointed to the returning Jedi , who is not a Jedi yet but will be when he confronts Vader , so he's technically a non-Jedi , we'll just call him Luke until then.

" You will take me to your master now. " Luke said from under the hood waving his hand.

" I will take you to your master now . " Bib seemed hypnotised.

" No , not MY master , YOUR master . " Luke waved again.

" I will take YOU to YOUR master NOW ! " Bib still seemed out of it.

" YOU will walk THAT way and I'll follow YOU , how about that eh ? " Luke was getting steamed .

They walked walkingly into Jabba's chambers , Bib whispered something into Jabba's ear and his master woke up wide eyed . Luke noticed a very hot slave girl waking up with a golden bikini in front of Jabba .

" Whoa . She is one hot ...wait a second ! Leia ? What are you doing sleeping comfortably in front of Jabba the Hutt ? "

" Ahh , it's that guy , what's his name again ? " Jabba asked 3PO.

" Luke Skywalker . " CPO responded .

" Yessss , Skywalker . HO HO HO HO HO , let's just skip all this talk and go straight to the action scenes shall we ? " Jabba said in Huttenese but Luke still needed 3PO's translation for some odd reason .

" Yes , lets . " Luke used the force to pull away the nearest Bounty Hunter's blaster , but Luke struggled with the blaster as a pair of pants were still attached to it.

Jabba hit the button and Luke fell down the pit along with the nearest green pig guard .

" HO HO HO HO HO HO HO JEDI SOMETHING OR OTHER HO HO HO ! "

" Oooof ! " Luke landed with a thud on the dirt floor inside the pit , the green pig guard tried frantically to escape out a small window.

Luke looked on in horror as the large wall rose to reveal a huge Rancor beast , the Rancor clutched his huge claws and screamed ...

" Roar. "

" Hold on a second , you can do better than that . " Luke smiled .

" Sorry ol chap , " The Rancor responded , " How about this then ... "

" ROOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR ! "

" Not bad , I'm actually terrified right now. " Luke shuttered and tried to find a hiding spot .

" What are we gonna do man ? We have to think of something ! " The green pig guard pleadings with Luke to save him . Luke heroically stuck a bone in the pig guards mouth so he couldn't talk anymore .

The Rancor beast reached down and flipped the guard in his mouth , he chewed the guard many times making a bone crunching sound . Crunch ! Crunch ! Crunch !

" Do you know how much fat is in one serving of those guards ? " Luke asked the troubled looking Rancor beast .

" I never really thought of that mate , I HAVE been gaining weight recently . " The beast responded clawing at his own belly.

" It's been nice talking to you . " Luke strolled under the legs of the beast and tried to calmly escape the door marked EXIT .

" Wait a second , you never told me how much fat was in one of those guards ! " The Rancor beast walked towards Luke with an angry expression.

The Rancor beast picked up Luke in his huge hand , he put Luke inside his mouth and started to chew , Luke was folded in half and crushed instantly. CRUNCH ! SNAP !

- The End -

No , that's not what happened . The Rancor beast walked under the spikes sticking out of the ceiling where the wall rose up , Luke noticed this and picked up a rock , he saw the switch several feet away , it was his one shot at survival , he threw the rock , the rock missed and fell to the ground , Luke walked over and picked up the rock . He gave it another try , he missed again.

The Rancor beast violently stepped on Luke crushing him instantly .

- The End -

No wait , that's not it either. Luke picked up the rock , and the rock said " Know your damn role and shut your mouth ! " He hurled the rock and it hit the switch , the wall fell and crushed the Rancor beast's skull .

" I'm , I'm sorry ! " Luke wailed as a single tear rolled down his cheek .

" That's alright mate . ( Cough ) It doesn't hurt that much . Just , (Cough ) tell ...(cough) tell...Jabba ...I...still...love ...him. " The Rancor beast expired .

To be continued ... sniff .

Author's Note : What is the plural form of Plead and how could you use it in a sentence ?


	4. A certain point of view

** Return of the JedI - A Parody -**

**Chapter 4 - Certain point of View -**

**Disclaimer - I don't own Star Wars .**

**Author's note - I lost my Indiana Jones Temple of Doom VHS tape . **

**Disclaimer - I don't own Indiana Jones Temple of Doom - Anymore.**

**Warning : There may be an f-word or two in this chapter , or there may not be .**

**Caution : Contents under pressure .**

**Chapter 4 - Certain point of View - **

" Take them to my sail barge . " Jabba said in plain Galactic basic .

" The great Jabba says to take them to his sail barge . " 3PO announced.

" Ya , we heard 3PO . Jabba , your making a big mistake . Your throwing away a fortune here , don't be a fool ! " Han pleaded as they dragged him away .

" I'm sure . Bring that sexy princess over here . Hmmmmmmm " Jabba licked Leia's face.

" Oh man ! That's disgusting ! " Luke made a puke face as they dragged him away as well.

" Hey Han you wouldn't believe what Jabba's doing to Leia ! " Luke could be heard in the background.

StarwarsStarwarsStarwarsStarwarsStarwarsStarwarsStarwarsStarwarsStarwarsStarwarsStar

The sail barge glided its way over the sand dunes towards the Sarlacc pit , music could be heard inside the barge as Jabba was throwing a kick ass techno party inside .

" Bloop , tweet , twat ! " R2 served the drinks , 3PO knocked into R2 .

" Sorry about that , what ?! R2 , what are YOU doing here ? "

" Bleep , twerp ! "

" Serving drinks ?! Have your circuits melted ? Master Luke and the gang are in danger , you should do something instead of serving drinks ! " 3PO growled at the little droid.

" Blat ! "

" What am I doing ? I'm creating a creative diversion you hunk of Galactic crap ! "

" Blert ! "

" This conversation is taking up way too much screen time . " 3PO walked away .

Luke was prodded towards the diving board or plank with the Sarlacc waiting below , squealing with hunger .

" The great Jabba hopes you die honourably ! " 3PO announced out the window.

" Boo Shaddad !! " Jabba yelled waving his hand .

Luke nodded to R2 , he then gave Lando a nod , then Han and Chewbacca , he then nodded towards 3PO , he kept nodding until Jabba could be heard screaming to throw him in.

Luke jumped off the plank then spun around and grabbed it , but his hands slipped and he fell to his death .

The end .

No , it can't end like this ….. O.K let's rewind a bit here ……

" What am I doing ? I'm creating a creative diversion you Galactic hunk of crap ! "

A little too far …. Fast forward a little ………

" Luke , take my mask off so I can see you with my own eyes . "

A little too far ……Rewind ……..

Luke nodded to R2 then saluted , he jumped off the plank then spun around and grabbed the same plank , he sprung up did a front flip over a thug as R2 shot his lightsaber from the barge , Luke landed and ignited his saber in one smooth motion .

" That was outta sight dawg ! " Lando said then shot a thug near him .

" Not bad . " Bobba Fett said then shot a rope around Luke .

" WARK !! " Chewbacca yelled .

" Bobba Fett ? Bobba Fett ?! Where ?! " Han spun around then hit Bobba's jetpack by accident with a metal pole , Bobba's jet ignited and sent him flying across the pit slamming into the barge .

" Ugh !! As I slide down the side of this Sarlacc pit many Bobba Fett fans will groan at the crappy way I die here , but seriously , the combined amount of time I've been in these movies is about 26 seconds so who gives a crap really ? " Bobba Fett is devoured by the Sarlacc monster . Who burps after .

Luke kills some thugs without blood as Han saves Lando from certain death .

Meanwhile Leia chokes Jabba to death with a chain . Jabba dies .

" Point it at the deck ! " Luke yells as he grabs a rope and half naked Leia and swings off the barge as it explodes .

" Don't forget the droids . " They pick up the droids as the barge explodes in the background.

The Millennium falcon is flanked by the X-Wing as they fly away from the sand planet .

" Whoa , that happened a bit too quickly . Anyway , thanks for saving me Luke , I owe YOU one . " Han said over the com.

" No problem Han . "

" YOUR ALL CLEAR KID NOW LET'S BLOW UP THIS SUCKER AND GO HOME""

" Umm , ya . I'll meet up with you guys later . I have a promise I have to make to an old friend . " Luke said looking off into the distance .

" What old friend ? Ben Kenobi ? He's dead Luke , DEAD !!! " Han screamed dramatically over the com .

" Just an old friend . " Luke tried to dismiss Han's comment.

" Who ? What old friend ? Answer me Luke !! LUKE !!! "

Luke cut off transmission from Han and swerved in a different direction towards Degobah.

" Bleep . "

" Yes R2 , were going to Degobah . " Luke rolled his eyes .

" Bloop ! "

" No , I don't have any death sticks left , I told you not to start now look at you . "

" Luke ! Where are you going ?!! TELL ME !! " Han's voice came over the com again .

Luke hit hyper speed with the x-wing even though it wasn't capable of doing so .

" Here we are R2 . Degobah . " Luke said as they entered the atmosphere and promptly crashed the X-wing again .

" R2 , stay with the ship . " Luke walked towards Yoda's Hutt .

" R2 , stay with the ship . " R2 had a flash back of Anakin saying that to him before he killed all those aliens . R2 shuttered then lit a death stick .

Luke entered Yoda's home .

" Old do I look to you ? " Yoda huffed then limped to his bed .

" Um hello to you too Yoda . " Luke said then took a seat.

" Doing here what are you ? " Yoda groaned then pulled a blanket over his old body.

" I've come to complete my training . " Luke said staring at the half dead JedI master.

" No more training do you require . "

" So I am a JedI ! Yes !! Yippie !! " Luke jumped up and did a little dance .

" An idiot , you certainly are . Vader , you must confront Vader . Only then a JedI you will Be . "

" Yoda , I have something to ask you . " Luke noticed he was running out of time .

" Dieing I am , yes dieing , ohhhhhh the pain , no time to answer awkward questions ! "

" IS Darth Vader my father ? "

" Yes , dieing I am , just about dead , here it comes ! "

" Yoda , I gots to know dude ! "

" Dammit ! Your father he is ! Happy are you ? Told you did he ? "

" Is the dark side stronger ? "

" These damn questions you ask ! Yes !! CROAK !! WAY stronger it is , Lucas says so ! "

" Then I am a JedI ! " Luke stared into the distance .

" Let me die , you will . Beware , do not underestimate the power of the emperor , kicked my ass did he , failed I did . "

" O.k , later Yode's , got's to get kickin dude . " Luke walked to the door when he noticed his X-wing had sunk into the marsh out of view .

" Umm, master Yoda ? "

" Dead I am , cannot hear you can I . "

" Could you umm , do that waving the hand thing again for me , I'm in bit of a jam here . "

" CROAK !! Annoying this is . " Yoda pulled himself out of bed and closed his eyes , the X-Wing rose out of the marsh and was placed gently on solid ground .

Yoda then died as quickly as he could .

Luke leaned on the side of his X-Wing . " What do I do now R2 ? Yoda's dead . "

" Yoda will always be with you . " Obi-Wan's ghost walked out behind the trees .

" Obi-Wan , YOU BASTARD !! " Luke ran and punched Obi-Wan's ghost but fell right through him .

" What is your problem ? " Obi-Wan seemed puzzled .

" Why didn't you tell me Darth Vader was my father ?!? " Luke screamed to the heavens.

" I did tell you , from a certain point of view . " Obi-Wan scratched his ghostly knee.

" From a certain point of view ? " Luke was puzzled .

" Yes , I told you from a far distance while we were getting on the Falcon , from my view it was certain you heard me but I guess you didn't , so it was from that view that it was certain that you heard my view from a certain point of view . "

" Oh can it Ben ! Yoda didn't say it but he was supposed to say something about another , there's another something , what did he mean ? "

" You have a sister . " Ben said sitting on a log.

" 3PO , 3PO is my sister . "

" Your instincts serve you we…… 3PO ?! YOU DUMB ASS !! Leia is you sister ! "

" No way , that's not true ….that's IMPOSSIBLE !! " Luke had a flash back of necking with his sister.

" Yes , as disturbing as that is there's something even more disturbing . She's pregnant with your child ! "

" NOOOOOOOOOOO !!!! NOOOOOooooooo !!! "

" Just kidding . "

" I hate you Ben . "


	5. Too Legit to quit

**Return of the Jedi - A Parody - **

**Author - Super Tinfoil Man - **

**Disclaimer - I don't own Star Wars - **

**Credits - 15.90 **

**Additional information - Press Start to continue - **

**Caution - Mild language and suggestive themes - Reading discretion is advised . **

**Chapter 5 - Too Legit to Quit - **

_Too legit ...Too legit to quit - Too legit - Too legit to quit - _

_Sweat running all over my chest (chest) i don't quit no ! _

_I just press harder (Yea!) than I ever did before going for _

_The dreams that I have in store in my mind (MIND) and I know _

_That I'm making it I gotta get mine and nobody's takin' it away (NO!)_

_kickin and stuff and shit cause I'm too legit to quit ...sing ! ..._

_Too legit ...too legit to quit (hey hey ! ) too legit...too legit to quit ... _

" Lando Calrissian will you please shut that racket off ! " General Ackbar screamed in the meeting room.

" Sorry . (SORRY !) " Lando apologised and turned off the ghetto blaster . He wasn't too legit ...too legit to quit. Too legit ...too legit to quit...sorry , I"ll stop now.

" Is everyone here ? " Mon Mothma asked .

" Not everyone , there's still ... "

" Good , then I will continue . We have discovered a weakness on the Death Star , it is not yet completed and our time to attack is critical . We have learned that the Emperor himself is overseeing the final construction himself . Many Bothan spies died to bring us this information. " She broke down crying .

" Did she say BOTHAN spies ? " Han whispered to Leia .

" Yes , now be quiet . " She whispered out the side of her mouth .

" Bothan spies . Ha Ha ! Those WHITE hairy creatures that you can see from miles away SPIES ?! HA HA HA HA HA HA !! That's halarious !! AOOOoo I'm a Werewolf !! " Han elbowed Leia .

A red foam brick hit Han off the head .

" Pay attention SOLO !! " Ackbar screamed . Han turned red.

Lando got Han's attention and motioned at his insignia on his chest.

" Well , look at you , a general huh ? " Han was amused .

" Oh , well , someone must have told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab."

" Well , don't look at me , pal . I just said you were a fair pilot that can do loop deloop maneuvers out of random , even when you don't have to actually DO the loop deloops... "

Another red foam brick hit Han on the head .

" PAY ATTENTION JACK-ASS !! " Ackbar screamed . He then motions to the holographic display of the Death Star 2 - The Revenge -

" You can see here the Death Star orbiting the forest Moon of Endor. To make a long story short , we have to land on the moon with 12 or 13 troops against probably hundreds of storm troopers to deactivate the shield , once the shield is down we will fly down the trenches and once again attempt to make a miracle proton shot into a tiny ventilation shaft ... " Mon Mothma walks over and whispers in Ackbars fish ear.

" Scratch that , this time we will fly inside the Death Star and blow it up . Cool idea eh ? " Ackbar starts to sweat. There is a concerned murmur .

" Lando Calrissian will lead the attack as he has skills with the loop deloop . "

Han turns to Lando .

" Good luck . Your gonna need it . " Another foam brick hits him on the head as General Madine starts talking .

" We have stolen an Imperial shuttle , with an old code that probably won't work . And with a small strike team that surrenders easily. "

The crowd murmurs again , this time with laughter following.

" I wonder what brainless idiot they decided to lead that mission ? " Leia asked as a few pilots laughed spilling blue milk out of the nostrils.

" Genereal Solo , is your strike team assembled ? " Madine asked him.

" I have a strike team but I don't have a command crew for the shuttle . " Han could barely be heard over Leia's laughter.

Chewbacca raised his paw .

" That's one . " Han smiled knowing his Wookie slave would comply .

" Uh , count me in , I've got nothing better to do today . " Leia rolled her eyes .

" That's one. " Han smiled .

" No , that's two actually , are you sure this was a wise choice Mothman ? " Madine asked.

" It's Mothma , and yes , Solo is a wise ass ...I mean choice . " She stammered.

" Two it is then . " Han wrapped up the meeting and everyone ran out of the room . 3PO was the last to leave.

The empty room sat there empty , the holographic display long turned off . An empty chip bag blew by near the entrance .

" I'm with you too ! " Luke entered the room with a big satisfied smile . The room was still empty . Luke looked around puzzled .

" Late again . " Luke said to R2-D2 by the entrance to the room , but R2 somehow already attended the meeting making any surprise entrance by Luke void and null to begin with .

" Shit Luke , get your head outta yer ass will ya . " R2 said then rolled off.

**IS Luke good enough to become a Jedi ? **

**IS Han brave enough to lead a strike team ? **

**IS Lando TOO LEGIT TOO QUIT ?!? **

**Find out next time...**

**Oh , and leave a kind , passionate , heart throbbing review please ? **


	6. He who is there

**The Return of the Jedi - A Parody -**

**Recap - Luke saved Han from Jabba and now they are heading to the forrest moon ****of Endor . That's all that happened ? What chapter is this again ? Chapter ****6 already ?! What the hell is the hold up with the plot here ? What IS the ****plot again ? **

_This recap has been brought to you by : _**Bubba's Fast Cream - **_Never be in prison again without it._

* * *

Chapter 6 - He who is there -

There were hundreds of Storm Troopers packed in the docking bay awaiting the arrival of the Emperor. Darth Vader and the officer that he had warned walked down in between two lines of Storm Troopers. Vader admired the vast line on both sides. _This is what the Empire is all about , pure power in the...I hope the Emperor doesn't kill me for how long I took to...a wave of ...__...Lord Vader seems pleased that...Empire will not lose...that's not my thinking voice , what the hell is going on here? _

Vader and the commander looked at each other . " Commander , stop thinking so much , your thinking is interrupting my thinking. "

The commander nodded as The Emperor's private-but-not-so private shuttle gently landed inside the bay. The Emperor's red royal guards surrounded the shuttle slowly in a fantastic display of power and grace. _I don't see why we don't just hire ALL royal guards , get rid of the Storm Troopers and... man these pants are tight ...replace them with...I think my ass is bleeding...__...so they can... _

" Commander ! " Vader boomed and the commander lowered his head in shame.

Vader and the overly active thinking commander kneeled as the ramp shot out steam and lowered to the floor. A hooded figure slowly walked down the ramp.

" Rise , my friend . " The Emperor jestured towards Vader . He rose and walked slowly next to him.

* * *

..._12 seconds later..._

" The Death Star will be completed on schedule . " Vader stated looking forward. The Emperor nodded in approval as they walked down in between the two rows of Storm Troopers.

" You have done well , Lord Vader . And now I sense you wish to continue your...your ..oh shit I can't believe it ! " He scowled.

" What is it master ? " Vader asked concerned, but then not concerned and then concerned again.

" I forgot my wrist watch back on Coruscant. Can you believe it ?! It's a six hour flight from here. That is so annoying , now I'll never know what time it is ! " He shook his head.

" Perhaps one of your servants can fly it here. " Vader offered.

" Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Very good my friend. " He then made a cackle noise.

They walked further down the line observing the motionless Storm Troopers as they passed by them. They suddenly stopped walking , then they took two steps back and looked slowly to the left. A Storm Trooper stood there , with large armoured breasts poking out , completely out of place. Vader tilted his head to one side like a curious dog.

* * *

_Three days later..._

They both snapped out of the trance they were in . " What were we talking about again? " The Emperor asked .

" I forgot master . " Vader noticed several Storm Troopers had passed out from waiting so long for them , or they were dead from not eating or drinking for three days .

" Everything that has transpired has happened as they have transpired. " The Emporer cackled as they continued to walk , Vader looked behind them and noticed they had only walked a few feet , this could take awhile.

* * *

Inside the Rebel docking bay ...

The Falcon is sitting there getting prepped by Chewbacca as an Imperial ship sits close by looking all out of place. Lando casually walked up to Chewie with StarBucks in hand.

" Bark ! " Chewie screamed spilling Lando's 11 dollar coffee all over himself. The wookie then carted the princess and the two droids onto the ship , but it was the imperial cruiser instead of the Falcon.

" Look , I mean it , take her ! She's the fastest ship in the fleet ! " Han appeared next to Lando and pleaded with him to take the Falcon.

" All right , old buddy . I'll take her , I know what she means to you . I'll take good care of her , oh yes , REALLY good care of her MWAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH " Lando was evil .

Han looked like he was ready to cry.

" Just kidding , she-she-she-she-she-she won't get a scratch , I promise . " Lando promised.

" You promise ? " Han pointed , " Not a scratch ? "

" Will you get going you old pirate ! " Lando laughed then punched Han in the face.

* * *

_Five minutes , 14 seconds later..._

Luke played a PSP in the background as Han walked in and took a seat in the pilots seat next to Chewie , the wookie seemed flustered with the controls.

" You got her warmed up ? " Han asked looking around.

" Ya , she's comin' up . " Luke tried to look tough .

" I'm not talkin' to you farm hand . " Han scowled at the Returning Jedi .

" WAAAAAAAA !!! WARK WARK WAMPHHHHHHHhhhh !!! " Chewie said .

" No , I don't think the princess would fall for a wookie ol' buddy . " Han hit some buttons.

" Warrrmphhh!!!! "

" Tall , dark and hairy ?! Ha ha ha ha ! Maybe she WOULD like you buddy ! " Han laughed.

" You know , " The princess began , " I AM sitting right here you jackasses . "

* * *

**A Robotic voice - ARGG !! Dis' be de Pirate Reviewin' Droid XX34X ere' !! You be readin' dis tale of adventure ! You be reviewin' de tale or I'll swibble yer timbers , no , that's not it , I'll be swaggin' yer jabbers ! Never ye' mind , just review to make me curcuits 'appy ! **

" Get down ! " Connor's screamed as the fire engulfed the entire area . But Braddusson stood there taking all the fire , nothing could kill him , not even 156 T-1000's with built on rocket launchers and bio-engineered Tank shells for bullets , with TNT and grenades and everything dammit !! Braddusson is a bad ass !!

" Stop with the self back pats and help me ! " Connor's screamed.


	7. Toronto Maple Leafs

** Return of the Jedi - a Parody - By - Super Tinfoil Man part 2 - **

* * *

**AN : This chapter was written by Sparky the Wonder Dog , please excuse the spelling errors of my dog , he's a dumb mutt. **

**Disclaimer : I don't own Star Wars or World War part 2 - The Revenge of the allies - **

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Toronto Maple Leafs - **

_"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."  
- General George S. Patton, Jr - When asked who he liked more , the Autobots or the Decepticons. _

**T**he stolen Imperial shuttle took off out of the Rebel star cruiser and entered hyperspace , our heroes would soon

find out that double spacing in this friggin word pad is really annoying.

StarWarsStarWarsStarWarsStarWarsStarWarsStarWarsStarWarsStarWars

* * *

**The dark scary throne room of the Emporer ...Inside the Death Star.**

The Emporer looked out to the greenish moon of Endor . _I can sense one of my troopers slacking off down there. Well , I'll make sure lord Vader is made aware of this slacking Storm Trooper , he will never slack off again ! _

Darth Vader entered the dark scary throne room and knelt before the Emperor , but the chair was facing away from him . _He can sense me here , he must. He is a sith lord afterall. Turn your damn chair around master._

* * *

**6 Hours later ... **

_He must know I'm here dammit ! My knee is killing me ! _

The chair slowly started to spin around ... _oh finally ! ... _then kept spinning until the chair was facing away from him again. Vader could tell the Emperor was sleeping and his hand had hit the spin button by accident. _This is foolish but I will not give in ! _

* * *

**2 hours ...15 minutes later ... **

" Cough ! " Vader made a cough noise. The chair slowly started to turn around again . _This was the biggest waste of time I've ever encountered , and they call HIM my master , give me a break... _the chair kept spinning again until it was facing away from Vader. _Still asleep ! _

* * *

**41 minutes later ... **

The chair slowly spun around again.

" What is thy bidding , my master ? " Vader bowed his head at a startled Emperor.

" You scared me , my old friend . Send the fleet to the far side of Endor , there it will stay until called upon . " He

said as my word pad double spaced again.

" What of the reports of ... " Vader started to ask but the Emporer was in no mood to listen as he gave Vader a look of extreme annoyance. _I just woke up you dork , I don't want a stinkin conversation right now. _

_" _GO TO THE COMMAND SHIP AND AWAIT MY ORDERS ! " The Emporer screamed and pointed to the door.

" Yes , my master . " Vader said then tried to stand up. He couldn't do it , his leg was cramped or maybe broken from kneeling that long.

_THIS is my apprentice ? Look at that pathetic excuse for an old man , now he's rolling around on the floor trying to do a sit up. Now my Imperial guards are assisting him , this is incredible and embarassing for him. _

The Emporer's chair slowly turned and faced the window again , this time the window was covered in multi-coloured snakes, all hissing at him .

" I AM SICK OF THESE MOTHER BLEEPIN SNAKES ON THIS MOTHER BLEEPIN DEATH STAR ! "

* * *

Han looked back at his crew inside the stolen Imperial Shuttle , through the viewscreen there are dozens of TIE fighters doing formations around the huge Super Star Destroyer with the Death Star dominating the background on the left and the Endor moon dominating the rest of the background.

" If they don't go for this were gonna have to get outta here pretty quick my Chewbaccian friend. " Han said followed by a Wookie grunt.

The radio crackled to life . Han hit a button .

" We have you on our screen now , please identify yourself ! " The authorative voice over the radio said transmittingly.

" Shuttle We ain't the Rebels requesting deactivation of the deflector shield ? " Han responded but sounded unsure of himself .

" Shuttle We ain't the Rebels , transmit the 154 digit code for clearance . " The voice said with treble.

" Transmission commencing . " Han said but held the button too long as Luke blurted out he was going to be a Jedi someday. Han shot him a dirty look .

" Listen kid ! " Han pointed to the almost Jedi , " This pile of junk is operating with a dial up connection . We are gonna have to circle around a few times before I can enter this stupid code , we don't need you blabbing about the Jedi n stuff in the background ! " Luke said he was sorry.

" He was sorry. " Luke said.

" Now we'll find out if that code is worth the price we paid . " Leia said then looked at nothing.

" Dammit to hell ! " Han growled , " A pop up ! NO I don't want the latest hip hop collection ! Now I'll have to start over ! "

Chewie made a laugh noise as Luke stared at the Super Star Destroyer , transfixed on its majestic design.

" Is there a problem We ain't the Rebels ? " The voice on the radio crackled to life .

" Vader's on that ship . " Luke said dreamingly.

" For bleep sakes Luke ! " Han scowled and told the voice operator that there is a slight delay in the upload speeds.

* * *

**On the COMMAND SHIP ...sorry for yelling. **

Darth Vader stood in front of the large window looking out into space when suddenly he's hit from behind from a force ripple. _What the hell was that ? Damn ripples ! I hate being force sensitive sometimes , especially when I'm using the washroom and get unexpected ripples. Where is that Imperial Shuttle going ? I should go and..AH ! There's my good pal Admiral Piett , he'll know where that shuttle is going. _

The Admiral Piett stood at attention as Vader approached with his hands on his hips.

" Where is that shuttle going ? " Vader asked curiously.

The Admiral gave Vader a nervous nod then leaned over to activate the COMM system .

" Stuttle We ain't the Rebels , what is your cargo and destination ? " He asked .

A crackly voice of Han Solo responded , " Rebels and deactivating the Death Star shield , I mean parts and other technical parts ! "

Admiral Piett looked at Vader waiting for his orders.

" Do they have a code clearance ? " Vader boomed curiously , or just asked curiously , he didn't boom it out like he would normally , he just ...let's just continue shall we ?

" It's a 10 year old code sir. But it checks out , I was about to clear them . "

_Did he just call me SIR ? _Vader felt another ripple and he looked up to the cieling curiously. _This ripple has been brought to you by LUKE SKYWALKER aboard that Imperial Shuttle ! Thank you for using the force ! Bye!_

Admiral Piett looked at the cieling wondering what the hell Vader was looking at.

" Shall I hold them ? " He asked .

" NO !! Leave them to me , I will deal with Luke ... I mean them,,myself ! " Vader pointed and realised he used two comma's between them and myself . _This is turning out to be a word pad type of day. _

Piett gave Vader a surprised look as the sith lord turned and ran as fast as he could for no reason towards the large window again.

Piett turned and slapped the controller in the back of the head , the controller's hat fell off and he looked at his commander testily. " Carry on ! "

* * *

" They're not goin' fer it Chewiecakes . " Han had a look of doom on his face.

" Chewiecakes ? " Leia gave Han a questionable stare.

The radio crackled to life again . " Shuttle We ain't the Rebels , you are clear to proceed , the deactivator shield will be deflected when...crap ! I said that wrong , the deflector shield will be activated when I ..you ..well you get the picture . Fired ? What ?! I just started today ! "

" See ? " Han grinned at everyone , then pointed ...he soon started to mock when they all told him to carry on already !

" I'm endangering the mission I shouldn't have come ! " Luke blurted out full of doom .

" Didn't we cross this bridge already ? " Han rolled his eyes at Luke as Chewbacca make a Growl Grunt noise.

" You said it Chewie . That boy should be shuttled out in the bathroom waste escape pod. " Han grinned , then pointed at Luke and laughed. He then started to mock Leia.

" Will you get going you old pirate ! " Lando laugh yelled at Han .

They all stared at Lando .

" Shouldn't you be on the Falcon ? " Luke asked him without doom in his voice .

" Yeah , " Lando scratched the back of his head , " Think you guys could give me a lift back ? "

* * *

**Pirate Reviewing Droid XX34X - ARRRG ! That be de best chapter Aye read in a long time ! YAR ! **

**If ye don't want me breakin down yer aft mast ye better review or I'll malfunction all over ye ! **

**Until next time dis is Pirate Reviewing Droid XX34X sayin YARRRRRRRR !!! **

" I'm endangering the mission I shouldn't have come ! " Luke blurted out full of doom .

**ARGG !! What ye be sayin Luke Walker ? Don't be wastin me time wit pansy remarks about doom and missions matey ! **

" Sorry Pirate Reviewing Droid XX34X ! Just adding drama to the end of this chapter . " Luke smiled .

**Ye dumb swabbleknocker ! De chapter ended many moons ago ! Ye better get yer head on straight me thinks ! **

" Sorry , I do hope they review XX34X . I also hope that someday my face will end up on the back of a box of cereal so kids can cut it out and make masks with it . " Luke said dreamingly.

**ARGGGG !!! Stop yer blabbin ye two horned scab picker ! Watch me , look yuh no good polly smacker , it's de back of me arse and it's walkin away ! ARGGGGGG !!!!!! **

" Laugh . " Luke laughed nervously.

"


	8. The Judges decision

Return of the Jedi - A Parody -

* * *

**AN : Do you like Spider-Man ? Well check out _Spider-Man vs The Blue Scorpion – by Super Tinfoil Man. _**

* * *

Chapter 8 - The Judges decision. -

* * *

**AN AGAIN : I glanced at my reviews the other day and read over _jonny#5's _review asking me why I turned Chewbacca into a chocobo. I thought to myself, " What is he talking about ? I've played Final Fantasy 1-10X but I don't remember Final Fantasy in any of the chapters. Then I came across this sentence in chapter 6 - The wookie then carted the princess and the two droids onto the ship , Ha ha ha !! It would seem that Chewie flipped them on his back and turned into a form of transportation . It made me laugh, thanks Jonny#5 . **

* * *

_"To be sensitive is to feel the thoughts and hearts of others as only you would want yours felt." - Darth Vader, on pain medication. _  


**T**he stolen Imperial Shuttle broke through the atmosphere and made its way down toward the forest moon of Endor.

Two Scout Troopers sat at the landing pad eating tuna and cheese sandwiches, they saw the ship fly by overhead.

" Say Matt. " One asked after taking a bite and smudging it all over the front of his white helmet.

" What Chris. "

" Wasn't that the parts and technical crew assigned to replace us? "

" I think so Chris. " Matt responded and smudged tuna all over the front of his helmet to try to taste its fishy goodness.

" Why are they landing right in the middle of the forest when the landing pad is right behind us? " He took out his binoculars , " And why are camouflaged civilians piling out of the back of it right now ? What do they need a protocol droid for ? A Wookie ? More question marks ? "

" You ask too many questions Chris. "

* * *

**11 seconds later ...**

**O**ur heroes start walking towards the edge of the hill followed by Han, Leia , Luke , Chewie , C3-PO, R2-D2 and several rebel troops in camouflage. Nobody really knows who our heroes are because the main heroes are all following. They exit the story before making too much of a commotion.

**seconds later ...**

Han signaled for the rest of the team to stop as he and Luke crawled up towards the edge of the hill to get a better look.

" I told you dialing 1-800 COLLECT could save you a bundle on car insurance. " 3PO stated to his domed friend who whistled confusingly.

They could only see a few scouts walking around, another two or three playing TWISTER. Two scout bikes were parked nearby. Two birds made a TWEET noise !

" Do you think we could go around ? " Leia asked adjusting her WONDER BRA.

" That would take too long, could you imagine if we had to travel an extra 30 or 40 feet around that huge port-a-potty sized base ? We'd be here for days, not to mention... " Han started to point and gradually get angry.

" How about a simple _no _next time Han ? " Leia asked .

" I have an idea, how about we sneak right down the front of this hill directly in front of the scouts so we could possibly be discovered more quickly ? " Luke suggested. They ate the idea up and gave him the thumbs up. _Finally , recognition ! It's been ten years since I had a good idea. I'm going to relish in this moment for as long as I can. _Luke snapped out of it when he realized Han and Leia were already at the bottom of the hill.

They confusingly came to an edge of another hill with the same scene before them.

" Chewie and I will take care of this, you stay here. " Han pointed.

" Growl ! " Chewie protested with a Toronto Maple Leafs Jersey on suddenly.

" Not you mutt ! THEM ! " Han screamed and it echoed four times .

" Quietly, there might be more of them out there. " Luke suggested.

" Hey, it's me ! " Han smiled and took off down the hill growling loudly at Chewbacca over a smell he left on the Shuttle. Luke and Leia looked at each other and smiled. Leia looked back over the edge at Han and Chewie doing ninja rolls in the dirt. Luke continued to stare right at Leia with a goofy grin.

" Stop it. I don't like you staring at me that way. " Leia scolded him.

" Sorry Milady , " Luke gave her an evil look this time.

" O.K creepy , how about you pay attention to those two goof balls instead of staring at me, do you think you can manage that ? " She growled.

Han smirked at Chewbacca hiding behind a tree. " Hey buddy , check THIS out ! " He started to tip toe quietly behind one of the scouts . Han accidentally kicked over a cigarette butt and it made a loud THUMP noise ! The scout turned around and quickly put Han in a headlock. The scout shouted to his gang member.

" Go for help, go ! Go go ! What are you waiting for ? Go for help ! Go on ! Shoo, go on boy ! That's it ! Get on the bike , gooooood boy ! " The scout yelled as another scout quickly sped off on a floating bike.

Chewbacca did a cartwheel from behind the tree and shot the scout off of his bike in the distance. But another scout jumped on another bike that another scout was on , there were two scouts on top of each other on the same bike ? The bike was on another bike too ! What the hell !?

Han and the head-locking scout are having an old fashion fist fight, though the scout has a blaster, he forgot to take it out alright ?

Luke and Leia ran down the hill to cheer Han on when they noticed two more bikes take off into the forest. Leia noticed an unoccupied bike sitting there, unoccupied. With a Pepsi symbol on the side of it for no reason.

She jumped on the bike and started it up. " No Leia ! Wait ! "

They both took off into the forest. Han appeared , " Hey , wait ! I'm jealous ! "

The scout gave Han an elbow to the back but Han picked up the scout quickly and gave him a tombstone pile driver.

* * *

T.B.S completely cut out the bike chase scene and added a scene with low grade actors instead. 

" I do hope she'll be alright . " C3-PO said but he was wearing a cheap Threepio mask and yellow pajamas with a Canadian accent.

" Bleep , bleep. " A garbage can painted with crayons responded.

" Don't worry, they will be O.K , I can sense it . Because I am a Jedi. " Ted Turner said walking out of the bushes with a Jedi robe on.

* * *

Meanwhile ...on Canadian Idol ... 

" You are so ...are so...beautiful. You are so... " A singer tried, with no tone.

" That'll be enough of that shit , get the hell out of here. " The judges agreed , Tim wasn't going to Toronto for the final auditions.

* * *

**Reviewing droid XX34X – ARGGG !! That be de worst chapter aye read in a long time !!**

**But , if ye tink dats bad , wait till next time when stuff gets badder mateys !! ARGGG !!!! **

Han - I like your style XX34X .

**ARRRR !!! YOU be de' pirate Solo ! I been waitin on ye fer a long time !! **

Han – I never understood your model number, what factory are you from anyway ?

**Don't you be askin me dat question again or I'll bake yer buttocks in me stove !! **

Han – I think the viewers should know.

**Don't ye say a word !!! **

Han - XX34X used to work for an _adult _droid filming studio.

**Dats it , ye not be makin it to da next chapter matey !!!! **

Han – Don't worry, I always shoot first.


	9. Rigamaroe

Return of the Jedi – A Parody – _SuperTinfoilManPart2_

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AN: **I wrote this chapter a few minutes ago. Then I had some Pizza Pockets. **

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**AN: 2 : What kind of dumb author's note was that? **

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**AN: Shut up! -**

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**AN: 2 : No, YOU shut up! **

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**AN: I'm tellin' mom! **

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**AN:2: Go ahead, ya big cry baby! **

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Rigamaroe – **

* * *

**AN: I'll show YOU, ha! NOW who's the cry baby huh? HUH? **

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**AN: 2: Let the chapter begin already!!! **

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. **

* * *

**AN: 2: What the hell are you doing? You don't put the disclaimer after the chapter title, you boob! **

* * *

**AN: We don't put Author's Notes after the chapter title either, moron! Let's just move to the quote, shall we? **

* * *

" _**Old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don't look forward to being cured of. " - The Emperor, when asked by a reporter if he thinks his term will finally be over at the end of the fiscal year. **_

**T**he elevator doors swished open with a swishing noise. Darth Vader stood for a moment, gathered his thoughts and exited the vertical transportation device. He walked by two Red Guards as he entered the Emperor's chambers. He could slowly hear tension music growing in the distance. _I hate coming here. He's always in a grouchy mood, maybe today might be different. _Vader thought hopefully as the Emperor's chair spun around several times before stopping to face him.

"I thought I told you to **remain on the goddamn command ship!" The Emperor screamed, scaring everyone, including the author who forgot to turn off his bold typing. **

"**A** command ship has **penetrated **the shield and **slid in deeply **on Endor." Vader reported.

"Yes, I know. They're all jerk-offs. Every last one of them. " The Emperor stated in an all knowing way, he licked his thumb and straightened one of his eye brows. It fell off.

"My son is with them." Vader responded, slowly.

"Are you sure? Were you close enough to actually SEE him? " He said as he leaned forward, only to let out a light BRACKKK noise from his ass.

"I have, umm, felt him my master." Vader hesitated. _This explanation could go on for hours, maybe even days. Why did I tell him that? Why?! _

"You were close enough to TOUCH him? You didn't …. " The Emperor started to crack a smile but Vader cut him off.

"NO! I sensed his presence using the force! " Vader pointed.

"It's funny, I never felt his presence. Are you sure your feelings are clear on this matter? We don't want another Death Star Part 1 on our hands here! " The Emperor leaned forward again, this time just turning a bit red, then leaning back again.

"Then you must go to the sanctuary moon and wait for him there." The Emperor jumped over Vader's lines.

"Hewill come to **me?!"** Vader overacted as he twisted to one side pointing at himself three times.

"I have foreseen it. He will come to you, you will confront him, he will accompany you and you will bring him before me! You get all that? "

"Hewill accompany **me?!"** Vader overacted again, twisting to the left this time.

"Just** go to the shit ass moon and bring Luke HERE!" **The Emperor stood up and screamed.

Vader bowed. _It worked; I got under his dead skin. _

* * *

Han, Luke, Chewbacca, C-3PO and R2-D2 are searching the thick foliage in the jungle.

"What the hell are you doing here?" The Emperor screamed at them inside his chambers.

* * *

**AN: I forgot to put a Meanwhile here, so the scene stayed inside the chambers. **

* * *

**Meanwhile………………On the moon…..not Earth's moon, Endor…….**

**AN: 2 : They know that, you tit! **

* * *

**AN: Oh don't start with me now! Were in mid chapter here! **

* * *

"If you don't mind." Han said looking up. The chapter continued.

Luke bent down in the thick foliage and picked up Leia's helmet, there was a mess of long hair in it and it was splattered with blood. A small piece of skull plopped out of the helmet, someone wrote on the side of the helmet, _she's either dead or she'll be dead by the time you find this helmet. _

"Luke! Hey Luke! " Han screamed from several yards away.

Luke caught up with Han standing next to a blackened, burned out, destroyed speeder bike, with a severed female arm still on the handle.

"OHHHhhhhh, master Lu…." C-3PO started the dramatics but was cut off quickly by Luke.

"I found 18 or more wrecked speeders back there. And this…. " Luke held up a black box recording Leia's final moments on tape, he pressed play with a saddened expression. Leia could be heard screaming, then she said she was dead following a crash noise.

"R2's sensors have found many small traces of Princess Leia." 3PO said, glooming.

"I hope she's alright." Han said glooming as well, looking off into the distance.

"I'm no detective but…." Luke was cut off by Chewbacca smelling food and licking his chows.

"BARK!! WOOF WOOF WOOF! " Chewbacca barked and ran off on all fours.

"Hey, what is it Chewie!?" Han and the others followed the dumb beast.

Chewbacca stood in front of a white, grease stained box, and he tilted his head as he made inquiring grumble noises.

"Hey, I don't get it." Han scratched the back of his head.

"Bah! It's just Kentucky Fried Chicken Chewie. " Han said, but Chewbacca took a swat at the box, hoping for some of the Colonel's greasy goodness.

"No Chewiest, wait!" Luke screamed but he should've screamed before the Wookie took a swipe at the box, but this is the extra special silver limited extended version so the scene was altered.

A huge net sprung up capturing them all. They soon died from the ropes being too tight around they're necks. Even the droids. They died from shock.

The End –

**Thank you for reading Return of the Jedi- A Parody. **

* * *

**AN:2 : It can't end like that you freak! I'm taking over this story. **

* * *

**AN: Be my guest, jackass. You'd probably put dumbass furry creatures in there just to sell toys. **

* * *

**AN:2 : Shut up! **

* * *

Not the end - The Story continues.

The new title is, **The Liberation of the Rebellion! **

* * *

**AN: You can't change the title 9 chapters in, you goof! **

* * *

The story continues – With the same title – But now with added characters!

The wealthy business man in a grey business suit walked up to the large net.

"I say, ol chaps, you seem to be in a spot of trouble there!" Bruno the business man said, sipping his tea.

"Damn straight, cracker jack! Think yo' white ass might get us outta here?! " 3PO said, trying to convince Bruno.

"It is beyond my….."

* * *

**AN : NO NO NO NO ! You can't interject a new character in the middle of the story that seems to belong on Earth and not outer space! And C-3PO would NEVER say that! **

* * *

**AN: 2 : O.K , O.K , give me one more shot ! **

* * *

**AN : Have at it! **

* * *

"Great Chewie! Just great! Always thinking with your stomach! " They continued to spin around in mid air from the crudely constructed rope net.

"Settle down Han, do you think you can reach my lightsaber?" Luke said as he was pushed tightly into the side of the netting.

"Ya, sure! No problem! " Han said sarcastically as his head and one arm were poking out of the netting, he pulled the netting closer to himself as he tried to reach Luke's lightsaber.

"Whoa! I mean, that's it! You got it, pull it! PULL IT!! " Luke groaned.

* * *

**AN: Oh my god, stop! STOP ! STOP! STOP NOW! I can see where you're going with this! This ain't no perverted slash story! **

* * *

**AN:2: NO! IT WASN'T what you think! You didn't let me continue! **

* * *

**AN: Alright, but be careful how you word things. **

* * *

**AN:2: Sorry master, I am trying. Jackass. **

* * *

"I got it!" Han exclaimed. He then tried to figure out how to light the lightsaber but R2-D2 had already cut through the net, he cut one single strand of rope and the entire bottom of the net opened, they fell to the ground.

When they finally regain the strength to sit up, they are surrounded by, (cough) –rry creatures.

* * *

**AN: What was that? **

* * *

**AN:2 : Furry creatures, alright! **

* * *

**AN: Continue. **

* * *

"What the…? " Han cracked a smile at the small army of furry Ewoks surrounding our heroes. The leader poked his spear at Han's chest.

"Hey! Point that thing someplace else! " Han grabbed the spear out of the Ewok's hand and threw it away, the spear stuck straight into another bystander Ewok, who was killed instantly.

"No Han," Luke held Han's blaster before he could use it, "Did you ever play Empire at War? Do you know what the main purpose of these furry things are?""" Luke asked with an obvious mistake at the end of his sentence.

"No. I don't play video games. " Han said in a low voice.

"They're terrorists. They run and scream, then they explode. " Luke explained, showing Han a screenshot on his cell phone.

* * *

**AN: Alright, you're going way off topic here. Chapter over! **

* * *

**Reviewing Droid XX34X – ARGG ! That be one o' dem chapters me hates! In fact, I hate every chapter! **

Leia – Settle down XX34X, it wasn't THAT bad. Even though they made me look like I was dead.

**XX34X – ARGG! Who asked YOU to speak ?! BITCH! **

Leia- EXCUSE ME?! What the hell did you just call me?

**XX34X – Arrg. I said who is that wonderful person, without a hitch? **

Leia – That was a horrible cover up. You are going to pay for this, droid.

**XX34X – NOOOO! Don't ye be doin' dat! **

Leia- Say goodbye.

**XX34X – NOOOo- **

Leia – Thank you for reading , Return of The Jedi – A Parody.


	10. Ewok's and Vader

**The Return of the JedI - A Parody - **-_SuperTinfoiMan part 2_

* * *

" _What do you do when the only one that can make you stop crying, is the person who made you cry? – _**_Darth Vader_**

****

* * *

****

**Chapter 10 - **** Ewoks and Vader - **

**C**3-PO staggered to his feet clearing himself from the tangles of the Ewok net. "Oh, my head. Oh, my goodness! Golly! Jeepers!"

The Ewoks made a huge deal out of the golden protocol droid, they immediately dropped all business with Luke and the gang to worship the god of Endor. They began a chant, with a subtle beat of a conga drum, with a odd hint of a synthesizer added to the mix. With a tad tint of -Uh HUH- gansta style, with a background woman singer screaming KLF, but we'll leave the chant alone for now dammit.

"Do you understand anything they are saying? " Luke asked, suddenly tied up to a pole, the pole was sticky with animal guts.

"Yes, Master Luke! Remember that I am fluent……" C3-PO was interrupted by Han.

"Let me guess! Six million forms of communication!" Han spit out.

"You don't have to be so ru……."

"What are you telling them?" Han interrupted again.

"Hello, I think. I could be mistaken. It seems to be a very primitive form of dialect. I do believe they think I'm some sort of god. To think that after all the…."

"Well why don't you use your god powers to get us outta this!" Han cut him off again, Chewie let out a laughing bark.

"It is against my programming to break one of the ten commandments. " C3-PO made the sign of the cross.

"What the (bleep) is he talking about now?! " Han screamed.

The Ewoks are offended by Han and his pot mouth to the new god of Endor. They poked spears at Han and threatened to skew his ass.

* * *

We'll be right back …………….

* * *

The Ewok's marched toward the middle of the forest, the trees had huts high atop the trees, on the trees. It was the Ewok village. Chewbacca found it to be remarkably like his home world. Even being tied to a pole, ready to be eaten. They did shit like this all the time back on Catshit.

They were placed over a pit where the little furry creatures began to pile logs under them.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Han said as he watched an Ewok peel carrots.

"What are they up to now? " Luke wondered out loud.

"They're creating a new centralized heating system in the village Luke. " Han blurted to the dumb kid, Chewie murmured something dog like.

"I would think the logs could create as much heat as…."

"LUKE! They are having US for dinner! WAKE the (bleep) up! " Han roared.

"I wonder what I taste like…" Luke had a far away look in his eyes.

Leia suddenly appeared out of one of the Ewok huts smoking a death stick, her dark hair was out of its usual bun style, she seemed a bit wary. Another three Ewoks followed her out, they seemed very satisfied.

"Leia! " Han called out.

"Carrie! " Luke yelled, overjoyed.

The Ewoks blocked her path with deadly pointy sticks.

"Oh! Gasp! " Leia gasped.

"Your Royal Highness. " 3PO greeted her from his throne.

"But these are my friends! Tell them CP-3O, tell them to let them be friends….I mean tell them to…"

-------------------

**CUT! CARRIE ! THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN! ANOTHER MESS UP AND WE'LL HAVE TO CONTINUE SHOOTING WITH A DIFFERENT ACTRESS! **

"Sorry. I'll do it right this time." Leia was worried.

**ALRIGHTY THEN!! TAKE IT FROM - YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS!!! AAAANNNND ACTION !!! **

**------------------**

"Oh! Gasp!" Leia gasped.

"Your Royal Highness. " Leia greeted…..herself?

------

**CUT!! CARRIE, YOU ARE FIRED!! GET OUT! LEIA'S PART WILL NOW BE PLAYED BY JESSICA SIMPSON! ANNNNNNNNNND ACTION!!!!**

**---------------**

"Somehow, I got the feeling that didn't help us very much. " Han murmured.

"But she's pretty hot. Even though she's my twin sister, and now she really doesn't look anything like me." Luke whispered.

-----

_Much useless scenes later……._

It's night, everyone is gathered in the main hut, the rebel soldiers, Artoo, Princess Leia (chewing gum) , Han Solo and a small army of Ewok mothers, children and Ewok hunters. Oh ya, Chewbacca too. And Luke. Darth Vader is there too, but this scene is cut later as it made no sense at all.

C3-PO is in the middle of the crowd telling the Ewok's their journey to this point. He's using some kick ass sound effects that are nearly scaring the little Ewoks into cardiac arrest, he doesn't care. His subwoofers were finely tuned for this moment.

R2 made a bleeping noise.

"Yes R2, I was just getting to that. " 3PO made some smooching noises as he jestured to Luke and Leia. Several Ewoks puked on the hut floor.

"Humina humina humina ! " The Ewok elder Logjam stood up from his throne shaking his spear (weapon). He started pointing in several different directions. Suddenly a drum sounded. Then a distant synthesizer, with a woman background singer and some rappers -Uh huh- ing.

"What's going on? " Han leaned in close and whispered to the hot blonde Leia.

"Like, how would I know man? It sounds like the top 40 count down or something, y'know?" Leia said, lacking any intelligence.

Luke smiled, then he suddenly didn't smile, he did a quiet backflip out of the hut.

"Wonderful! We are now a part of the tribe! Do the tribal dance!" 3PO broke out into the robot dance.

A small Ewok ran up and gave Han a hug. Han hugged the furry creature back, but he accidentally snapped the Ewok's neck in the process. He quickly kicked the furball out of the hut before his family noticed anything.

* * *

2.5 minutes later……..

Luke stood outside the hut in the wooden walkway constructed. He wondered to himself many things. Many, many things. Many, many, many, many, many, many, many things.

"Dude, like what's wrong? " Leia asked, exiting the hut. She suddenly had shorts on, revealing her long, perfect legs.

"Leia….do you remember your mother. I mean your REAL mother? " Luke asked her, his eyes full of wonder.

"Just a little bit, she died right after I was born, y'know? " Leia tilted her head a little.

"What do you remember? " Luke asked.

"I remember it went a lot like this….WAAHHH!!! WAHHH!! It's a girl! " Leia responded, empty headedly.

"No, no I mean, what did she look like? " Luke tried to restrain the pull of the dark side from striking out against his dumb sister.

"She was very beautiful. Sad, but ugly. She seemed very happy. " Leia had a distant look in her eyes.

"I have no memory of my mother, I never knew her. " Luke said almost crying.

"Dude, tell me, what is your problem man? " Leia punched Luke's shoulder.

"Vader is here, he is near on this moon, he'll be here soon. " Luke almost sang to her.

"Like, what the (bleep) did that have to do with my mom, or yer mom? " Leia questioned the script.

"He's here, I have to run off and fight him, I'm endangering the mission from being here. If I leave now you and the others might just be able to complete the mission. He's my father, you're my sister and I think I can save him from the dark side and topple the empire in one big swoop. " Luke let out a huge gasp then ran off.

"Come again?" Leia asked, but her voice only echoed into the distant woods.

"Come again?" Leia's echo repeated.

"Hey, what's goin' down ?" Han appeared out of the hut wearing multiple strings of beads.

"I..I can't tell you," Leia sniffled, "man."

Han gave her a swift backhand to the face, the slap echoed deep into the woods.

"Slap! " The echo repeated.

"Did you tell Luke? Is that who you could tell?! Luke, that little runt! " Han screamed red faced.

"I….." Leia turned then fell right over the barrier to the forest floor. Dead.

* * *

_Thank you for rea……wait…..it didn't end like that…….._

* * *

"I'm sorry. " Han said, shuffling his feet.

"Hold me. Dude. " Leia grasped Han and they hugged.

"I have something to tell you too. " Han whispered into her ear as he eyed the dead Ewok hanging off the wooden barrier.

* * *

The imperial shuttle landed on the huge platform jutting out of the forest. An AT-AT tromped over next to the station and came to a halt. Darth Vader strolled his way down the ramp and into the glass hallway towards the AT-AT's exit doors. The doors opened revealing Luke in binders between two soldiers. He seemed pretty proud of himself, or just cocky.

_Little brat. I'll kill him, after we kill the Emperor. _

"This is the rebel that surrendered to us. He claims he is acting alone. (group laughter) He was armed only with this flashlight. Good thing too, it's getting dark out, Wilson nearly tripped over the…"

"Good work, commander. Conduct your search and bring his companions to me. Tell Wilson he still owes me ten credits from the basketball game on Friday. " Vader boomed. The commander left them alone.

"The Emperor has been expecting you. " Vader said as they walked down the hallway.

"I know, DAD! " Luke stuck out his tongue and made faces at the Sith Lord.

"So, you have accepted the truth. "

"I know who you are. I watched the prequel trilogy. You were once Anakin Skywalker, the man who didn't heed the warning of the higher ground. " Luke poked.

"That trilogy has no longer meaning to me!" Vader turned and pointed at Luke in a warning fashion.

"You can't deny it's who you are dad. I know everything about you now, like how much you hate sand for example…"

"I see you have constructed a new lightsaber. " Vader changed the subject quickly. He ignited the bright green saber, he accidentally cut Luke's shoulder in the process, Luke turned and stared daggers at his father.

"Your skills are complete. You are indeed powerful, as the Emperor has foreseen. " Vader shut down the lightsaber. Vader turned and stared out the window, his body language suggested he was pouting.

Luke slowly broke into song…..

"_Come with us, we got everything you need, huh huh, come with us , we are freeeeeeeeeee…… "_

"Obi-Wan once watched _The Racoon's_ too, " Vader spun around shaking his fist, "YOU DON'T KNOW THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE! I **MUST **OBEY MY MASTER!! "

"Why? "

"Because! The Dark Side is way stronger! " Vader boomed.

"Then just quit, he can't be paying you that much. " Luke persisted.

"DAMN KID!! I get 30 percent off at McDonald's! " There, Vader had finally admitted it. It sort of felt better to let it out like that.

"Then my father is truly dead. " Luke sulked heading toward the open elevator.

"Wait. " Vader held out his hand.

"No, take me away! " Luke ordered the elevator commander.

"Come on, Lukey! Don't be like that. " Vader pleaded.

"Get bent Vader!" Luke gave him the finger as the elevator doors closed.

Vader turned and leaned on the railing again. He dug into his metallic pants and pulled out a Big Mac coupon. _Was this really worth it? _

_Yesssssss……._He recognized that clown's voice. It was Ronald, Darth Fries.

_Every McDonald's hamburger starts with 100 pure beef - no additives or fillers - from the same cuts of meat available at your supermarket. The cattle is then shipped to McDonald's approved abattoirs and it takes a lot to get our blessing, we then get a priest to bless the meat. We only use federally inspected abattoirs approved by the CFIA and then out of those we select the few that can consistently meet McDonald's standards of quality and safety, plus they must like Dragonball Z. Our exclusive hamburger supplier has been an AAA-rated facility - the highest rating possible - by the CFIA for the past ten years. In addition, it's the only Coruscant winner of the prestigious Black Pearl Award for corporate excellence in food safety and quality. It also won the Most Meat contest in Endor. Whatever the shit that means.   
_

_They use high pressure equipment to make our beef patties. Nothing is used to bind the patties. It is simply compression that holds the beef patty together, in fact, it's pressed so tightly by the time its in your hamburger, it's nearly see through. Martin-Brower of Coruscant Ltd., McDonald's exclusive distributor, has a fleet of strictly controlled temperature-regulated transport ships that deliver our patties to our restaurants across the Galaxy. We use a two-sided grill to cook your patty. All we add is little salt and pepper to season the patties and your choice of condiments so your hamburger is prepared just for you. If it falls on the floor before it hits the bun, our employee's are under a strict 10 second rule to replace it in the bun before it becomes full of floor hair. All beef purchased within Coruscant is sourced from facilities that have been fully inspected and approved by the Coruscant Food Inspection Agency (CFIA)._

_By the time a Big Mac® sandwich is served to one of our customers, it has gone through more than 60 quality checks! _

"That's the part that always hooks me….." Vader said out loud, "the 60 quality checks. There is no denying it. I must get a Big Mac! NOW!" He scowled then turned to see an officer looking at him with a strange expression.

* * *

_**This is the end of chapter 10 - Leave a review if you want. **_

_- Tinfoil.  
_


	11. Chapter 11

**The Return of the Jedi - A Parody - By **_Super_Tinfoil_Man part 2 _

**_________________________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter 11 - The 11th chapter - **

**_________________________________________________________________________________**

Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the rebel fleet, it's twenty minute mission, to destroy the Death Star for a second time and save the galaxy. The entire rebel fleet hung around this huge blue planet getting ready for action.

Inside the Millenium Falcon's cockpit sits Lando Calrissian, with his brand new sidekick Nien Nunb, an alien Mexican from planet Mexicanicus. Lando will activate the comlink in 3.5 seconds.....now!

" Admiral, we're in position. All fighters accounted for. " Lando recieved an approving nod from Nien Nunb, one of hundreds to come his way.

" Proceed with caution. All groups assume attack coordinates, scratch that. Don't assume anything, just go with the flow. If you happen to be flying a medical frigate into the battle, just pretend you know what the hell you are doing. " Ackbar rambled on, he did that on occasion once he knew he had everyone's attention.

" Humna humna humna. " Nunb said to Lando.

" Don't worry, my friends are down there. They'll have the shield down in time. What's that horrible smell ? " He scrunched his nose.

" Humna humna humna babble. " Nunb said.

" Bantha Tortillas ? This is no time for your Mexicanicus ways Nunb, damn! I shoulda brought Sweeshy Sweder along. The Swedish alien from the planet Swedonia. "

" All fighters and non fighters! Prepare to jump to hyperspace on my mark! " Ackbar just about screamed into the comlink. Then his huge rebel command ship quickly zipped into hyperspace.

" All right, stand by. " Lando replied, but he could hear several rebels laughing through the connection.

" He doesn't mess around. " Lando quickly went through the routines of hyperspace preperation then the actual jump. The rebel fleet zipped into hyperspace.

ZIP!

_______________________________________________________________________________

**Meanwhile, on the forest moon of Endor.......**

" Look! Over there! " Leia pointed to an ewok getting into trouble, then several things happened.

______________________________________________________________________________

**Meanwhile......................On the Death Star......................................**

**T**_**h**_e  elevator doors slid open. Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader walked side by side towards the emperors throne area. The emperor was playing his _**Deathbox 360**_. He turned _**NHL 09 **_off and turned to his new visitors. _ It was an old game anyway, from another time and place, far, far away. _

" Welcome young Skywalker, I have been expecting you. " The dark sith smiled under his hood revealing yellow teeth that needed some _**Crest **_badly.

Luke said nothing but stuck his chest out a little. Then flexed one boob muscle, then he seemed exhausted, so he stood normally again.

" You no longer need those. " The emperor motioned in Luke's direction in a downward spiral finger twirl.

Luke's pants unbuckled and fell to the floor, he had pink underwear on.

" Oh. " The emperor's head cradled back just ever so slightly as he fought to suppress a smile. " I meant to undo your binders. "

Vader's breathing became rapid.

Everyone stood there in silence, Luke with his pants around his ankles. But he was brave, he was nearly a Jedi! He stuck his chest out in defiance.

Tears rolled down the Emperor's face as he fought with every dark power imaginable to supress his laughter. But Lord Vader wasn't as powerfull as his master.

" Blah HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!! " Vader said, " HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!! " Mechancal breathing interruptions , " HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!! SCREAM !!!!! HA !!! "

Vader bent foward holding his ribs.

" Guards! Leave us ! " The Emperor waved the red guards off. The red guards left the room.

The Emperor spun around dramatically, then he realised he was facing the viewing window to space, so he spun dramatically around again to face Luke, " I'm looking forward to completing your training, in time you will call me bastard! I mean master! "

" But I already _DO_ call you master, master. I thought my training was complete. " Vader boomed.

" I was talking to the boy. " The Emperor waved to the boy who would be Jedi someday.

" You are gravely mistaken, you won't turn me like you did my father. Could you pull my pants back up please ? " Luke said.

The Emperor took a few steps down towards Luke so he was eye level with him. Luke could smell the stench of death and years of not brushing his teeth. ( from the emperor.)

" Oh no, my young Jedi friend, it is you who are mistaken. About a great many things."

" His lightsaber. " Vader held out his hand and passed the weapon to his master.

" My simple minded friend. "

" What is it , my master. "

" This is _your_ lightsaber. It says so right on the hilt - If lost return to Darth Vader - 1254.67 sector 6 Imperial Destroyer 5. You even put your address on it? What if the rebels found this weapon ? " The dark master was angry at his apprentice.

" Could we possibly start over? My master ? " Vader sounded apologetic.

" Please. " The Emperor handed back Vader's weapon.

" His lightsaber. " Vader held out his hand as he started over.

" Ah yes, a Jedi's weapon. Much like your fathers. By now you must know that your father can never be...be... " The evil son of a bitch looked at Darth Vader, " My simple minded friend. "

" I did it again, didn't I ? " Vader lowered his head.

" Yes, this is _YOUR_ fucking lightsaber. Now pass me _HIS _!! " The emperor screamed and pointed to Luke, a small spittle of saliva flew from his mouth and was never seen again.

" You're wrong, soon I'll be dead, and you with me. " Luke changed the conversation suddenly.

" You jumped the gun, my son. " Vader said then bowed his head in submission.

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**Meanwhile.................at the same time and place......**

" Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your _rebel_ fleet. " The emperor made the word _rebel_ sound like a curse word.

Luke looked up quickly, giving away all secrets and exposing the entire rebel fleet to an ambush, his one simple look could have destroyed the entire galaxy.

" I knew it! Didn't I tell you Vader! " The Emperor pointed at Luke triumphantly.

" Ya! " Vader did a fist pump.

" I tricked you boy. Now I can expect an attack I wasn't expecting before. Now we are safe from your little band of friends here! " The emperor said with a huge smile on his face.

" Shit! " Luke said shittingly.

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To be continued............


	12. There's something about Vader

**Return of the Jedi - A Parody - --------**

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**Chapter 12 - There's something about Vader - **

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**The **Death Star sat alone in space, but he would be soon joined by friends that he didn't want.

" It's too damn lonely out here. " The Death Star said to himself.

The Rebel fleet appeared out of nowhere, zooming towards the Death Star. Lando started to flick switches and dials, making the noises himself.

" Click, bleep. " Lando said.

" Hummana hummana. " His copilot jestured with both alien hands.

" All wings, report in. " Lando announced.

" Red leader, standing by. "

" Gray leader, standing by. "

" Green leader, standing by. "

" Red leader, standing by. "

" We know about you already, Red leader. " Lando was annoyed by Red leader's attention grabbing schemes.

" Gay leader, standing by. Sisters! "

" What the hell ? " Lando checked the leader board.

" Lock S-foils in attack positions. " Wedge ordered.

" Umm, I can't find my S-foils. "

" Green leader, press the blue button near your left foot. " Wedge helped Green leader.

" My S-foils are locked in retreat positions. "

" You guys really suck, did you pay attention during the simulations? " Wedge was angered.

Lando watched the Death Star grow on his viewscreen, he thought back to a time when he depended on Han to turn off a sheild generator on his casino so customers could enter without getting zapped. Fifteen of his customers died before Han could shut down the shield.

" Pull up! All craft, pull up! " Lando screamed into his comlink.

" What the hell, Lando? " Ackbar checked in.

" The shield is still on! " Lando screamed again.

Ackbar sighed and ordered his helmsman to turn the giant ship around again, the whole process took five to ten minutes at a time. He texted his buddies back home, then started to play on-line poker. He noticed one of the poker players going all in right at the start of the game....

" It's a trap! " Ackbar screamed into his monitor.

The Rebels didn't notice the thousands of fighters behind them, the fight was on.

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**Inside the throne room..... **

" Come boy, see the destruction of your little friends. " The Emperor jestured with his old, white hands at the round viewport. Far in the distance, the space battle was furious.

Luke was having trouble holding his anger in check.

" Let me tell you a story, young boy. " The Emperor leaned back and cracked a slight smile as he dove into the tale.

" Back when I was very , very young. I battled millions and millions of other sperm in my epic quest to reach the egg, on this long and trecherous journey I made a friend I'll call SAM. Sam was my best friend on this journey, when we finally made it to the end of our journey, I killed ......."

" Could we skip ahead a few hundred years please. " Luke almost screamed, then eyed his lightsaber on the arm rest of the throne.

" Yes, " The Emperor sat up a little, then continued, " I was on a long quest in the gang filled regions of Tatooine when I was sixteen, I witnessed a gang related crime. Two Hutt killed a merchant right in an alley, they were high power Hutt's, one would never think they could do this kind of act. I ran home and told my mother and she got scared and said your moving with your aunte and uncle in Bel-Air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said Fresh and it had a dice in the mirror, if anything I could say that this cab was rare...."

" COULD WE PLEASE STOP WASTING TIME !! " Luke punched the wall.

" Yes, boy. Yes. " The Emperor sat back and cracked a small smile.

" Perhaps you are right. I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and yelled to the cabbie, yo homme smell ya later ! Looked at my kingdom , I was finally there..... "

Luke reached out with the force and grabbed his lightsaber from the arm of the throne, he intended to strike the old man down to nothing. WHAMPH!!!!! The blue lightsaber cut through The Emperor in an angled slice, cutting through him like a hunting knife through warm butter.

Kooooo-Paaaaaa!!! " Wait! I wasn't ready ! " Vader announced, fumbling through his cloak for his lightsaber.

**The End**

Not yet..........

That didn't really happen.........

Vader was quick enough and blocked Luke's strike as The ( now alive ) Emperor laughed in his cackling way. The lightsaber duel would begin .

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**On the moon...........**

Some fighting broke out.

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**On 35th Street .............. **

" Marsha! Could you bring me those files on the Donaldson case. " Jim yelled over the Raggae music blaring throughout the office. He hated _Bring your own stupid ass music _Fridays.


	13. It really is, the very end of this story

**The Return of the Jedi - The Parody - **

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**Disclaimer - Whoa! Disclaimer out of nowhere ! Here's the pitch, it's a high fly Star Wars and I don't own it out to left center field, it's going !! Going !! NOT MINE!!! Can you believe it folks?! Bottom of the ninth inning and no Star Wars ownership by Super_Tinfoil_Man_Part2, this just blows my goddamn socks off sports fans!! **

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_**One day, when I'm older, I'm going to try and swim up that stream. The stream everyone said couldn't be swam up. I'm going to jump in it, regardless what anyone says. On that day, that one important day of my life, they'll say - there goes that guy, that guy who wouldn't shut the hell up about swimming up stream all his life, well there he goes - that'll be the day. **_

___Admiral Ackar, overheard at a local bar, blubbering like the drunk that he is. _

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_**Chapter 13 - Final chapter - **_

" Holy lord Jesus Christ ! That blast came from the Death Star! " Lando screamed into the comlink.

" Everyone, get the hell outta dodge right now! " Ackbar ordered cowardly.

" We won't get another chance at this admiral. " Lando shook his head twice, then a third time just for show.

" We won't last long against the power of that super weapon. " Ackbar said dramatically, then he hit a control on the side of his armrest by accident, his chair quickly wheeled off the bridge leaving his crew alone. They sat there, waiting for the Admiral to return. One fish headed crew member coughed.

" What was that? " Another fishhead asked him.

" Nothing, I just coughed. " He said. More silence followed.

Then more silence.

A little bit more.

The bridge door opened, then closed again. Then it made a hissing noise without opening. Then it opened and closed with no hissing noise. Then the door opened and hissed at the same time, then closed again. The crew sat there in silence.

" What the hell is going on over there, a pow-wow? This ain't no time for no pow-wows! " Lando started to panic while manuevering the Falcon around a wave of TIE fighters and red laser beams.

Ackbar's crew still waited. Then they finally let out a sigh of releaf when the bridge door opened, but it hissed and shut again. Then it opened and Ackar zoomed into the bridge on his chair, spinning wildly out of control, it came to a violent stop at the command console.

" Fucking automatic piece of goddamn worthless trash! I travelled the length of the hallways about seven fucking times! What blind son of a bitch built these fucking chairs anyway!!? " Ackbar's fishhead was beat red, his crew stood there gawking at the admiral in shock.

" Admiral! You were saying something before! " Lando came over the comlink again.

" Yes, we won't last long against that super weapon! " Ackar announced, with little drama this time.

" We'll have to engage those Star Destroyers, with luck we'll take a few of them with us! " Lando tried.

" What ? What are you stupid or something Calrissian ? I just witnessed the super weapon destroy a Y-Wing, that's nothing compared to getting shredded to Wheat in that maze of destroyers. Get off the crack man ! " With that, Ackbar's chair quickly zoomed him off the bridge again unannounced.

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**In the throne room ................ **

Clash !!! CRACK CRACK !!! CLASH !!! Luke and Darth Vader, father and son, fought with every ounce of the force as they furiously clashed blue and red lightsabers together in a symphony of violence, all to the Emperor's delight.

Luke clashed his lightsaber in an extremely fancy left-right cross cut, fooling his father, Darth Vader fell backwards down a flight of specialised throne room steps. Luke stood at the top of the steps looking down at the dark lord.

" Good !! Good !! Use your aggressive feelings boy !! Let the hate flow through you, like a really bad Taco from Taco Shell. " The Emperor edged Luke on from his throne.

Luke looked back at the Emperor, then he turned and looked at his father, he looked at his hand, then his foot, then back at the Emperor, then he looked over at a viewport on the elevator where the Red Guard was peeking in at the action, then he looked at Vader again. He looked at the activation stud on his lightsaber, he looked at his thumb as it deactivated the lightsaber.

" Obi-Wan has taught you well. " Vader said as he reached the top of the stairs, for some strange reason, his black boots were making sneaker squeeks on the stairs.

" I will not fight you father. " Luke said gently as he looked at his dad. Weapon deactivated at his side.

" You are unwise to LOWER YOUR......." Vader didn't get to finish his sentence as his boot caught part of his black cloak, he fell awkwardly onto his belly. His own deactivated lightsaber slid towards the Emperor's feet. The Emperor slapped his own face inside the palm of his hand.

" I meant to do that, yes. Just to show you that the force can work in ways that are unexpected. " Vader tried to sound menacing as he stood up, he held his back as he reached out with his other gloved hand and tried to retrieve his lightsaber using the force. His saber only wiggled a little at the Emperor's feet.

" Heh heh. Koooo Paaaa! Kooooo Paaaaa! " Vader sounded nervous as he reached out with the force again to try and make the weapon fly gracefully into his hand, the lightsaber only moved a few inches then stopped.

" Fuck it. " Vader stomped over to the weapon and grabbed it off of the floor. He stomped back in front of Luke and pointed in his face.

" Let this be a lesson learned boy, you can't always depend on the force to win every fight for you! " With that , Vader activated his red laser sword, but he was holding it backwards. His cyborg hand fell to the floor, severed. Vader fell to his side, his breathing laboured. He did a little pathetic half crawl away from Luke as he held his other hand up in a show of mercy.

The Emperor stood up with a super sized smile on his face, " Good, gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . Now , strike that useless pile of scrap metal down and take your fathers place at my side! "

" LET'S GO EMPEROR! " The Red Guard chanted from the elevator. A stern look from the sith lord sent the guard out of view.

Luke took a heavy breath, then looked at his own gloved, cybord hand. Then he looked at his fathers stump, then he looked at his own hand again. He turned towards the Emperor with a defiant look on his face now, " You lose, old man. I'm a Jedi, like my father before me. " He gave his lightsaber a sideways throw to the floor.

The lightsaber skidded across the floor and fell inside a gap in a metal grate, the sword then clanked down a long series of dirty pipes and rolled on another spider designed grate onto a thin rubber escalator, the sword then dropped onto a metal pipe and clanked its way down further to a series of wires. The sword got tangled in the wires, a blue wire wrapped around the activation stud and the sword came alive, it cut its way free of the wires then easily melted right through a chrome colored floor, the sword fell through a long free space inside a large room, it then landed on an exhaust pipe of the super generator, it started to melt its way through the pipe. The Death Star began its long run of final explosions after this.

" If you won't join me, then you will die! " The Emperor shot Luke with a two handed sith lightning blast! CRACK!!!

SIZZLE !!!!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**On the Moon of Endor .............**

Han stood in front of a large switch that read : ** SHIELD GENERATOR - ON - OFF - **

" I can't crack the code, I'm not a computer slicer. " Han lowered his head in shame. Leia walked up behind Han, one of her arms were completely severed from a laser blast, she playfully rubbed her severed stump on Han's cheek, leaving gross blood smears all over it.

" Tell you what guys, let me handle this. " Chewbacca walked into the room, casually.

" I didn't know you spoke basic, you old furball. Coulda saved everyone the trouble of all that annoying barking noises. Like Warggg, WAh wah wah! " Han chided his old friend.

" Don't forget YEARGGGG !! " Leia added then laughed.

" Shut up. " Chewbacca then turned the switch to the **OFF** position. He then took his mask off revealing Will Farrell.

" It's o.k that my mask wasn't movie quality. " Will said.

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**In the large space fight around the Death Star ..........**

**" **The shields down! I knew he could do it ! " Lando screamed in joy.

" The Death Star is already blowing up! SISTERS ! " Gay leader reported.

" Wow, we better not tell Han about this, just let him feel like his mission actually meant something, is that clear everyone? " Lando started to sweat.

" Red Leader, standing by. " Red leader reported in, far away from the action.

" What the hell, Red Leader, is your com broken again? " Ackbar jumped into the conversation.

" Lock S-Foils into Get The Hell Outta Here positions! " Wedge commanded.

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**On the bridge of Star Destroyer 17 ............... **

**C**ommander Davis watched as all the Empire started to crumble and explode around him. Turbo lasers were somehow missing the giant rebel cruise ship right next to them.

" Look, subserviceman Charles, " Davis said, pointing into space, " Look at that Falcon ship, he's clearly hacking. Notice how he never misses a shot and turns impossibly towards every little TIE fighter. Damn rebels don't play fair. I'm logging off. There's too much lag anyway. "

**STAR DESTROYER 17 has left the game....**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**In the throne room ..................... **

Luke was convulsing on the floor as blue cracks of lightning surged all around his body. The Emperor seemed pleased at this.

" Now, at the end do you finally understand. Now, you will die, Jedi. " The Emperor did a pathetically slow spin move then blasted Luke again with the Sith Lightning.

" Owwww, owwwww !!! It huuuuuuuurts !! " Luke was in pain. Vader slowly made his way to his feet and stood next to his master to watch the fun.

Bail Organa barged into the room with a bottle of wine in his hand and a sexy green alien woman hanging off of his elbow, they both laughed really loud as they entered.

" Can you believe the crappy...... " Bail quickly stopped talking when he saw the scene before him.

" Do you mind? Killing a Jedi here. " The Emperor said as he zapped Luke.

" Sorry. " Bail quickly left.

" Father, please !!! " Luke reached out his hand as the electricity started to fry his innards.

Vader looked at his son, then back at his master, who was now chewing on his tongue in concentration, then back at his son, then back at his master. He then looked at his son, then his master twice, his son a few more times, his master, son, son, master, master, son, son, son, master.....

" FATHER, MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND!!! I NEED TO PEE !!! " Luke screamed.

Vader grabbed the Emperor and pressed him over his head, he then twirled around the emperor and stood on top of the rail that overlooked a long chasm, he was getting shocked with lightning during these actions. He gave his former master a suplex off of the rail into the chasm, the emperor screamed like a little girl as he fell to his doom.

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**Meanwhile.....on Cloud City ??? **

Lando and the rebel fleet sat around a huge bar in the middle of the city. They laughed and joked about the victory, even though they didn't actually see the Death Star blow up yet. Ackbar was getting really drunk already.

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**Back in the throne room ............. **

Luke sat his father dow....

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**On the moon .......**

" You love him, don't you. " Han gulped. " You want to have a relationship with him, and not me. " Han started crying.

" He's my brother. "

Han threw up.

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**Back in the throne room .............**

" Luke, take this mask off so ........ "

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**At a party on Naboo .......... **

" Oh my god !! I LOVE this song! " Kit Fisto screamed then started dancing like a wild man.

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**Back in the throne room ......**

" Boy, let's hope that the scene doesn't change again. " Vader said, laying down in front of Luke.

" Golly jeepers pop, I sure hope it doesn't ! " Luke shook his head and snapped his fingers.

" Promise me you will never do that .....(cough)....again. " Vader made a fist with his good hand.

" I promise. " Luke started to tear up.

" Take this mask off.....so I can see you.....with my OWN eyes! " Vader was fading fast.

Luke undid some clips on the side of the mask, a huge panel exploded beside him in the hanger bay as stormtroopers screamed and ran for their lives. Luke upclipped another strap and a thin pencil sized shot of steam hissed out, he then ripped off a strip of velcro from the back of the mask, he undid more straps but the mask was still too tight to pull off.

" On second father. " Luke said as he stood up, he put his foot on Vader's chest for leverage as he pulled on the mask with both hands.

" Don't....forget. Dieing here. " Vader wheezed.

" There's a buckle caught on this thing... " Luke stood up frustrated, he grabbed a sledgehammer and started to pound on the side of the mask to free it.

The mask finally popped off. It was Rodney Dangerfield.

" Jeez! Getta load of real sight huh? What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my father tripped me! My wife and I were happy for twenty years! Then we met. My mother, jeez! the woman never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. " Dangerfield had a scar on his forehead.

" Father shh, shh now. " Luke patted his fathers head.

" Jeez kid, get some face whipes for those pimples. As a kid I had alot of pimples too, one day I fell asleep in a library, I woke up and a blind man was reading my face ! "

" It's o.k, shh shh. " Luke started to gently strangle Vaderfield to death.

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**On the moon ...... three hours later.......**

The Ewoks and the gang were having a huge celebration. Luke was off to one side, burning the black mask and armor of Darth Vader. Han came by with a stick with a marshmellow on it, he started to melt it over the fire when Luke gave him a stern look. " Sorry kid. "

Obi-Wan, Yoda and Rodney Dangerfield ghosts appeared in the woods, staring at Luke. Luke waved and smiled over at them. Rodney Vaderfield had a sour expression on his face.

" What are you wavin' at kid? " Han looked over in the woods, he couldn't see anything.

" Leave me alone will you! " Luke shoved Han on to his bottom. Han rolled down the hill and crashed through the fire while everyone danced and hugged around it.

" He's going to make a fine Jedi master. " Obi-Wan's ghost image said to his friends.

" Yes, but lies I hope he doesn't tell. Like other Jedi masters, one's who are older, ones who are standing right next to me. Liar you are! " Yoda croaked.

" Jeez! I was tired once and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, " What'll you have? " I said, " Surprise me. " He showed me a naked picture of my wife. " Vaderfield said. Yoda and Obi-Wan walked away.

" I tell ya! I get no respect. No respect ! "

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**The End **


End file.
